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Issue 9
| What's new |
NIMFOMANYC'S NAUGHTY NUTHOUSE .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.NIMFO'S NASTIES .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. "There are three ingredients in the good life: learning,
earning, and yearning." {My learning has been that my earnings aren't nearly enough to pay for my yearnings. lol} .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.A PERSONAL NOTE Hi Everyone, and welcome to all the new readers of this list. This week has certainly been a busy one. A back-breaking one. Literally! (ok, almost literally...lol) Had to move my furniture to another storage. And I assure you, every piece is damnably heavy...as it is all solid oak... Why I don't think about things like that, (weight, moving, etc) when I buy stuff, I will never figure out. This issue is dedicated to Mark M. with wishes of a speedy re- covery from broken ribs. I am going to be running a contest in the next couple of weeks and as soon as I figure out all the details, I'll post them. So, keep an eye out for them. I hope you enjoy this weeks issue. If you do, please forward it to all your friends and have them subscribe too. Subscribe and unsubscribe instructions are in the trailer section of this newsletter. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.(This sounds like something my roommate would do! Always on the look out for a good prank or joke to play on someone.) Having Some Fun With A Wrong Number It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" I said. A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?" "Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded. "I think he said he'd be home around 10:00." Silence on the other end... a confused silence. "Is this Steve?" My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number. So I replied, "Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?" "Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him," she said in a slightly irritated voice. I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00." A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!" "The girl he went out with." "I know that! I mean... who is she?" "I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?" "Yes... please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home." She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?" She exploded, "Who's Jennifer?" Apparently she wasn't. "Well...since he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I just assumed you were her. Sorry... it was an honest mistake." "Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called and the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home." I smiled and said, "Okay, I will... but I haven't heard any mention of an Alice, Becky sure isn't going to like this..." *Click* .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.And now a TIP for those of you who spend any amount of time online... TRY this GREAT service for FREE!!! NEVER miss a phone call again!!! Try Pagoo for 30 days for Free...and I'm sure you'll agree their service is one that you use and appreciate every time you go online. No more worries about missing an important call or being unavailable to friends and family, without the expense of installing a second line!! http://www.pagoo.com/asp/referral/linkto.asp?B=102&RefID=4804 .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.{More of the "Adventures of Little Johnny"} A fifth grade teacher is told she must teach sex education to her class. Unfortunately, she is a math teacher and and knows little about teaching sex ed. She decides to use her math techniques to teach the subject, and thinks flash cards will work well. The next day in class, she explains that a new unit of sex ed is to begin. She holds up the first flash card, a picture of a breast, and asked "Does anyone know what this is?" Little Suzie responds, "I know, I know! It's a picture of a breast and my mommy has two of them!" The teacher says, "Very good Suzie, you get a star for the exercise." The teacher grabs the next card and holdups a picture of a penis. She asks, "Does anyone know what this is?" and Little Johnny's hand shoots into the air as he hurriedly says, "I know I know!! It a penis and my daddy has two of them!!!" The teacher corrects him saying, "Now Johnny, It is a penis but I'm afraid your daddy can't have two of them." Little Johnny says, "Sure he does, he's got a little one he pees out of and a great big one that he brushes the sitter's teeth with!" .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.Three men, an Italian, a Jew, and a Pole, are sentenced to spend 15 years in solitary confinement. The Judge, feeling sorry for the men, decided to allow each to take with him whatever is the one thing they feel they can't live without. The Italian says, "I'd like to take my woman with me." The Judge reluctantly agrees, and the Italian takes his wife and heads off to solitary. The Jew says, "I'd like to take a telephone with me." The Judge agrees, and off goes the Jew with his telephone. The Pole pulls out a hand-held calculator and feverishly punches the buttons for a few minutes and then announces, "I'd like to take 3,000 cartons of cigarettes with me." The judge agrees, and off goes the Pole with his cigarettes. After 15 years they open the Italian's cell, and out comes the Italian with his wife and 15 children: "It wasn't so bad...." The Jew emerges and announces he is now a multi-millionaire, having set up a successful business by telephone. The Pole then comes out, trembling like a leaf, and shakily asks, "Anybody got a match?" .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. SENT IN BY OUR READERS Q. If a doctor of geriatrics treats old people, and a doctor of gynecology treats women; then, what does a geriatric- gynecologist specialize in? A. Spreading old wives tails. {Thanks goes to EtonPussC (hmm...I like that nickname!) for that double entendre.} .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. Want your *moment* in the spotlight?? Well maybe not worldwide...hmmm, maybe not even nationwide.... Send your contributions, comments and/or suggestions to .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.¡ASK AUNT NASTY¡ Dear Aunt Nasty, I've been dating 2 beautiful women now for over a year. They each excite me very much and I have feelings for the both of them. Each has expressed a desire to get married. I wouldn't mind marrying either of them but which one should I choose? They are both executives and make decent money and care for me dearly. How do I choose? signed, Dear Choosy, Oh my, What a question! And I cannot believe you haven't figured out the most obvious answer for yourself. You marry the one that is the most proficient in the sex department. Which one likes it the most? Which one is willing to do what you like? Which one gives the better blowjob? Hope that helps! Aunt Nasty Aunt Nasty is THE expert on matters pertaining to *LOVE* *SEX* ¡ASK AUNT NASTY¡ AUNTNASTY@Nimfomanyc.IsTheBe.st .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.An elderly man was walking through the French countryside, admiring the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he spotted a young couple making love in a field. Getting over his initial shock he said to himself, "Ah, young love... ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers... C'est magnifique!", and continued to watch, remembering the good old day's that he'd once enjoyed. Suddenly he gasped and said, "Mais... Sacre bleu! Ze woman she is dead!" before heading off as fast as he could to the town to tell Jean, the police chief. He arrived at the Police Station, out of breath, and shouted, "Jean...Jean...zere is zis man, zis woman ... naked in farmer Gaston's field making love." The police chief smiled and said, "Come, come, Henri you are not so old, remember ze young love, ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers? Ah, L'amour! Zis is OK." "Mais non! You do not understand, ze woman, she is dead!" Upon hearing this, Jean, leapt up from his seat, rushed out of the station, jumped on his push-bike, pedaled down to the field, confirmed Henri's story, and pedaled all the way back to call the doctor. He picked up the telephone and screamed, "Pierre, Pierre! This is Jean, I was in Gaston's field, zere is a young couple naked having sex!" To which Pierre replied, "Jean, I am a man of science. You must remember...it's spring, ze air, ze flowers, Ah, L'amour! Zis is very natural." Jean, still out of breath, grasped in reply, "NON, you do not understand, ze woman, she is dead!" Hearing this, Pierre exclaimed, "Mon dieu!" grabbed his black medicine bag, stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope, and other tools, jumped in his car, and drove like a madman down to Gaston's field. After carefully examining the participants he drove calmly back to Henri and Jean, who were waiting at the station. When he got there, went inside, smiled patiently, and said, "Ah, mes amis, do not worry. Ze woman, she is not dead. She is British!" .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. Need a web site for your business? M.T. Space Creations "When Impressions are Ideal; http://mtspacecreations.byinter.net/ Mention this ad and receive 10% off your first order. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. * AND NOW FOR THE "TRUTH" OF THE WEEK * {As they say.....Out of the mouths of babies!} One Saturday a father was put in charge of watching his five- year-old son. The father had "double duty" because he was also trying to fill out his income tax form. As young children will do, the son kept interrupting his father, making it impossible for the father to fill out his tax form. However, the father had raised his son's older siblings and knew that if he could engage his son in some purposeful activity, he could finish his taxes. The father looked through a magazine and found a picture of the world. He took a pair of scissors and cut it into lots of little pieces, then he gave his son the puzzle pieces and told him to put it together. Impressed with his own resourcefulness, the father returned to his tax preparation. Five minutes later his son came skipping into the room again. "Daddy, daddy, come and see. I've put the puzzle together." Surprised and somewhat irritated at such a short interval of peace and quiet, the father was astounded by his son's claim that he had completed the puzzle in such a short time. If it was true, surely his son must be a genius! He took his son's hand and went into the next room to see the puzzle. Sure enough, it was correctly assembled. "Son, how did you put this map of the world together so quickly?" "Oh daddy, I didn't put the world together; it was too hard. But I noticed there was a picture of some children on the back, and I figured if I put the children together right, then the world would come out right, too." .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.Would you like to advertise in Nimfo's Nasties? We will never For more information about advertising in this newsletter send .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.ONE MORE TO GET YOU OVER "HUMP" DAY {swiped from Jill's Jokeline} A guy enters a bank to see about getting a business loan. "What kind of business do you want to start?" asks the bank manager. "I have some black powder. You sprinkle it on a women's vagina and it makes it taste like a peach." "I don't think we can give you a loan," was the reply so the guy left. A few months later he went into the bank with a wheel barrel filled with money. The bank manager came up to him and said, "Congratulations! I guess that idea for black powder really paid off." "Nah, that didn't go anywhere. I made my money with this white powder." "Really," replied the bank manager. "What does it do?" "Give me a peach and I'll show you." .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.For God's sake, if you sin, take pleasure in it, and do it for the pleasure... ~Gerald Gould~ {Is there another reason for sinning??} .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. My back aches, my pussy is sore; .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.SOME SMUTTY LINKS This page will keep you busy downloading! Let the page load fully...go to bottom section. Concentration - match the boobies .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
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