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Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.

If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.

If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.

Thank You For Pot Smoking.

Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

The Earth Is Full - Go Home

I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha

This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

Illiterate? Write For Help

Honk If Anything Falls Off

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit

Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now

I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off (Motorcycle)

If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...

Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.

If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.

Ax Me About Ebonics

Boldly Going Nowhere

Cat: The Other White Meat

Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!

Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That

Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends

Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window

How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?

If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.

Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

What Has Four Legs And An Arm? A Happy Pit Bull

I feel like a million tonight -- but one at a time. ~ Mae West ~

BEST T-SHIRTS OF SUMMER 1999

So Few Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me

I Suffer Occasional Delusions of Adequacy

God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends

If They Don't Have Chocolate in Heaven, I Ain't Going.

At My Age, I've Seen It All, Done It All, Heard It All . . . I Just Can't Remember It All

(Worn by a pregnant woman): A Man Did This to Me, Oprah

(Spotted at a gay pride parade): My Son Just Came Out of the Closet and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt.

Thirteenth Amendment: Thou Shalt Not Whine

Senior Citizen: Give Me My Damn Discount

Princess, Having Had Sufficient Experience With Princes, Seeks Frog

If I Had Known Being a Grandparent Was So Much Fun, I Would Have Done It First!

(Over the outline of the state of Minnesota): My Governor Can Beat Up Your Governor

What If the Hokey Pokey Is Really What It's All About?

(On the front): Yale Is Just One Big Party. (On the back): With a $25,000 Cover Charge

Coffee, Chocolate, Men . . . Some Things Are Just Better Rich

Liberal Arts Major . . . Will Think for Food

If You Want Breakfast in Bed, Sleep in the Kitchen

The Old Pro . . . Often Wrong . . . Never in Doubt

In Dog Years, I'm Dead

Get a New Car for Your Spouse. It'll Be a Great Trade.

Dinner Is Ready When the Smoke Alarm Goes Off.

Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship.

I'm Going to Graduate on Time, No Matter How Long It Takes.

Anything Not Worth Doing Is Not Worth Doing Well.

Old Age Comes at a Bad Time.

In America, Anyone Can Be President. That's One of the Risks You Take.

My Mother was a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips

I Must Be a Proctologist Because I Work With Assholes!

"Eat Shit. Fifty Zillion flies can't be wrong."

If You Can Read This, I Can Slam On My Brakes And Sue You

1,000,000 Sperm And YOU Were The Fastest??

Jesus Loves You, The Rest Of Us Think You're An Idiot.

Forget World Peace -- Visualize Turning Off Your Turn Signal!

HANG UP AND DRIVE!

Where There's A Will...I Want To Be In It!

Ever Stop To Think, And Forget To Start Again?

I Have The Body Of A God .......... Buddha

This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

This Bumper Sticker Exploits Illiterates

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

Honk If Anything Falls Off

He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit

I Haven't Lost My Mind - It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

Constipated people don't give a shit.

Practice safe sex, go fuck yourself.

If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

Please tell your pants its not polite to point.

If that phone was up your ass, maybe you could drive a little better.

My kid got your honour roll student pregnant.

Thank you for pot smoking.

To all you virgins thanks for nothing.

If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counselling.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".

If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.

Horn broken...watch for finger.

If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.

"Don't make me come down there" - God

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

God must love stupid people; he made so many.

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

CAUTION: I drive like you do.

Don't take my signals literally.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Earth first...we'll mine the other planets later.