1.) Little Johnny has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Little Johnny attempt before he has to reload?

2.) Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?

3.) Rufus pimps 3 hos. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus's $800 per day crack habit?

4.) Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need?

5.) Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more corvettes must he have to steal to have $900?

6.) Raoul got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?

Extra credit bonus: how much more time will he get for killing the ho that spent his money?

7.) If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint free?

8.) Hector knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Hector knocked up?

9.) Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a Boa Constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the Boa on one week's income?

10.) Billy steals Joe's skateboard. As Billy skates away at 35 mph, Joe loads his .357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his magnum, how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked?

Although we cannot change the direction of the wind, we can adjust our sails.

WHY SEX IS BETTER THAN SCHOOL..

10. Everybody likes sex and nobody likes school, except virgins and only because they haven't had sex yet.

9. Sex sucks, moans, licks, pumps, throbs, etc....., school just sucks.

8. After sex you feel like smoking a cigarette. After school you feel like smoking something a whole lot stronger.

7. You only get disciplined during sex if you want to.

6. Drinking drives people to sex, whereas school drives people to drink.

5. Sex relieves stress, school is the cause of stress.

4. Nothing beats the "hands on" experience you get with sex.

3. After sex you feel like you have accomplished something.

2. Sex is cheaper. Even if you have to pay for a hooker, it is still cheaper that paying thousands of dollars in tuition.

And the NUMBER 1 reason why sex is better than school is...........

1. At least you have a choice whether or not you want to have sex. At school your teachers screw you regardless!!!

"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."
~ George Carlin ~

WHO DONE IT?

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements:

- religion
- royalty
- sex
- mystery

The prize-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"

If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
~ James Goldsmith ~

SUGAR SWEET

This actually happened at Harvard University in October of last year.

In a biology class, the prof. was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked "If I understand, you're saying there is as much glucose in male semen as there is in sugar?

That's correct," responded the prof., going on to add statistical info.

Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class... and never returned.

However, as she was going out the door, the Prof's reply was classic... Totally straight-faced he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat."

A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.

TIPS

"What's the usual tip?" a man growled when a college boy delivered his pizza..

"Well," the student replied, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great."

"That so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five dollars."

"Thanks," the student said, "I'll put it in my college fund."

"By the way, what are you studying?"

"Applied psychology."

"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
~ August Strindberg ~

MEMO TO ALL STUDENTS:

Over the summer our teaching staff is providing a teaching program adequately entitled "Special High Intensity Training".

Now the criteria designed for S.H.I.T. will have already been taken by the teaching staff. So they no longer have to do S.H.I.T.

For those who wish to continue to higher levels in this material we will be offering Multiple Opportunity Research Education of Special High Intensity Training.(M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.)

For those who feel that they have advanced further that would mean by your performance we have advanced you to Total Opportunity Under-Graduate Hyper Special High Intensity Training. For those of you who feel that you are at a higher level and wish to get out that would be T.O.U.G.H. S.H.I.T.!!!!!!!!!!

Our top level of teaching will be Developmental Exceptional Educational Program @ Special High Intensity Training. For those of you wishing to move on that would mean you're in D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.!!!!

Sincerely,
Boss In General of Special High Intensity Training.
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

Diplomacy: the art of letting someone have your way.

COPYCAT? or KISS ASS?

The story around Harvard was that there was a graduate math course whose final always consisted of, "Make up an appropriate final exam for this course and answer it. You will be graded on both parts."

Then one year, a student answered as follows: The exam is: "Make up an appropriate final exam for this course and answer it. You will be graded on both parts."

The answer is: "Make up an appropriate final exam for this course and answer it. You will be graded on both parts."

His reasoning was that since that was the best exam the professor could write, it certainly ought to be good enough for a student. He got an A.

The professor specifically prohibited that answer from then on.

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THE CITY OF LOS ANGELES HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM