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TOP 10 POLICE COMEBACK LINES

  1. I'm sorry Ma'am, but with the unlicensed gun in your purse plus the DWI, you ARE a real criminal.
  2. Hey John, get out of the cruiser and come over here to say "Thank You." We stopped the guy who pays OUR salary!
  3. Yeah, I do have bank robbers to catch, but that might be dangerous, so I'm going to play it safe and write you this ticket.
  4. Hurry it up? Sure, I'll just go back to the cruiser and write the citation. Do you have food and water in the car? This shouldn't take more than six hours.
  5. Do you know why I stopped you, or do you THINK like you Drive?
  6. What do you mean I won't believe you? Just because you've got three kilos of smack and two bodies in the trunk doesn't mean there isn't a perfectly reasonable explanation.
  7. No, you've got that WRONG. I'm even TOUGHER without the badge and gun.
  8. Of course you didn't DO it. You just happened to start your wind sprints in front of the department store, the VCR is extra weight, and the security guards were providing MOTIVATION.
  9. She STARTED it? That's the best you can do? My four-year-old does better than that when I ask why his sister is crying.
  10. HAVE A NICE DAY.
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
- George Burns
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Hosted By Topica

WHAT'S YOUR QUESTION?

Al Capp, creator of the famous comic strip Lil Abner, was one day invited to a university to give a lecture to the students.

Before he could begin speaking to the large group assembled in the auditorium a very unkempt-looking student at the back shouted a vulgar word at him.

The word rang in everyone's ears. There was a shocked silence but Capp, keeping his composure, said, "Now that you've given us your name, what's your question?"
"The water was not fit to drink.
To make it palatable, we had to add whiskey.
By diligent effort, I learned to like it."
- Sir Winston Spencer Churchill

MAKE WAY

A professor was one day walking along a very narrow street when he came face to face with a rival. The street was too narrow for two to pass. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily "I never make way for fools!"

Smiling, the professor stepped aside and said, "I always do."

"A drunkard is like a whiskey bottle;
all neck and belly and no head."

SWALLOW

A politician, who was very small-sized, was often derided by an opponent, a tall, well-built man.

One day the opponent walked up to him, looked down sneeringly and said loudly, " You know, I could just swallow you up!"

"In that event," said the little fellow, looking up, "you would have more brains in your stomach than you'll ever have in your head!"
"Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and
furthermore always carry a small snake."
- W. C. Fields (1880-1946)
US actor, comedian

PIG?

At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything.

When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked, " Is this pig?"

Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly, "Which end of the fork are you referring to?"

"To be or not to be is not a question of compromise.
Either you be or you don't be."
- Golda Meir

EMBRACE WHICH?

The ultimate repartee must be that of R. B. Sheridan, the political enemy of William Pitt.

Pitt was provoked one day to say to him scornfully: "You will come to your end upon the gallows or of a venereal disease."

"That depends, Mr. Pitt," replied Sheridan, "on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."
A machine, toy, automobile or any other product that has caused an injury to or death of an Indiana consumer may be in a defective and unreasonably dangerous condition.

NEXT-OF-KIN

A clergyman awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard. He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it. So, he called the sanitation department, the health department and several other agencies, but no one seemed able to help him. In desperation, the good reverend called the mayor and asked what should be done.

The mayor must have been having a bad day. "Why bother me?" he asked. "You're a clergyman. It's your job to bury the dead."

The pastor lost his cool. "Yes," he snapped, "But I thought I should at least notify the next-of-kin."

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