You Just Might...

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YOU KNOW IT'S A BAD DAY IN THE E.R. WHEN...

1. You show up for work and notice bars have just been installed on all the windows and there is now a metal detector at the hospital entrance.
2. The paramedics in the parking lot are all using mops to clean up their ambulances and the EMTs are using a hose.
3. The off-going shift has a hard time keeping a straight face when giving report, especially about Room 15.
4. Your first patient of the day insists there is no way that she can be pregnant. She's crowning.
5. Your next five patients and their families all scream at you in different languages, none of which you speak.
6. The intoxicated 250 pound transvestite in Room 15 keeps trying to get your home phone number because you "are just too sweet."
7. Your next patient has maggots but isn't dead.
8. The hospital's attorney wants to talk to you but her secretary won't tell you what it's about.
9. The hospital has a surprise disaster drill. You were the only one who wasn't tipped off.
10. The Department is completely empty and one of the off-going shift says, "It's been that way all night, hope you have a quiet day!"
11. No one remembered to buy coffee.
12. You have writers' cramp and still have 7 hours of the shift left.
13. The psychiatric patient who thinks he is Jesus was placed in the same room as another patient who thinks he is Satan.
14. The Hospital Administrator left you a cryptic message about a news crew showing up "sometime today to do a little filming, so everyone act natural."
15. In the middle of a disaster drill two real trauma patients present themselves.
16. It's the first day for the new medical interns, paramedic and nursing students all at the same time.
17. The paramedics tell you the patient you just received with a closed head injury, flail chest, and positive belly tap is in "much better shape than the one still being cut out of the minivan."
18. You hear there is an influenza epidemic traveling like wild fire through the local convalescent homes.

It used to be that everyone hoped to climb the ladder of success. Now we look for a fast trip on the express elevator.

YOU JUST MIGHT BE SMOKING TOO MUCH IF:

1. In the middle of smoking a cigarette, you pause for a "cigarette break."
2. Your birthday is a state holiday in North Carolina.
3. Your title for the Surgeon General: "Captain Bringdown."
4. Cracking your knuckles leaves you winded.
5. Morning schedule: Wake up, cough for three hours, take nap.
6. In your neighborhood, they give directions by saying "Go down to the big pile of cigarette butts..."
7. You get mattress fires more often than haircuts.
8. You smoke during sex.
9. You refer to nonsmokers as "pink-lunged sissy boys."
10. You explain to the nurse that you didn't realize you were in a "nonsmoking" iron lung.

Kiss me and you will see stars;
Love me and I will give them to you.

YOU JUST MIGHT NOT BE READY FOR SUMMER IF:

1. You're still trying to untangle the Christmas lights from the Weedwhacker.
2. The pool boy shows up with a backhoe.
3. Putting on last year's bathing suit requires Vaseline and a shoe horn.
4. You used all your bikini wax to polish your hardwood floors during the winter.
5. It's springtime, and you're still planting gloves.
6. Your new batch of ads featuring a pierced Joe Camel on a surfboard are three weeks behind schedule.
7. Your belly has more rolls than Sara Lee, and besides, you're still hungover from spring break.
8. You refuse to visit any beach not personally guarded by David Hasselhoff.
9. You're so white, even the Boston Celtics refuse you.
10. Your vacation plans include a ValueJet flight to a Club Med Zaire.
11. A recent guilty verdict on all 11 counts means you can kiss that Summer Patriot Training Camp trip goodbye.
12. Without flood relief from slow Congress, you're still *living* in your bass boat.
13. Despite therapy, you're still not prepared for the coming endless airplay of "Kokomo."
14. The sun's reflection off your phosphorescent white skin actually damaged one of Mir's solar panels.
15. You're still confusing the George Clooney Batman with the Val Kilmer Batman.

Just remember in the winter Far beneath the bitter snows Lies the seed, That with the sun's love, In the spring becomes The Rose "The Rose" ~ Bette Midler~

YOU JUST MIGHT BE A NURSE IF....

1. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal.
2. Your idea of a good time is a full code at shift change.
3. You find humor in other people's stupidity.
4. You believe that "shallow gene pool' should be a diagnosis.
5. You believe that chocolate is a food group.
6. You compliment a complete stranger on his veins.
7. You hate working nights with a full moon.
8. You do not think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is inappropiriate for this Patient.
9. You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled, "Suicide...getting it right the first time."
10. You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
11. You have ever uttered the phrase "and what changed tonight at 0200 that makes it an emergency after 6 months?"
12. You believe that all waiting rooms should be supplied with Valium salt licks.
13. You believe in aerial spraying of PROZAC.
14. You have your weekends off, marked and planned for 5 years.
15. When you mention vegetables, you are not referring to the food group.
16. You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA.(against medical advise)
17. You threaten to use "the hose" if your patient will not give a urine sample.
18. You have ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level.

Can you go back in time
To a place in your mind
To the one who knew
A part of you
That you just couldn't find?

If you asked me to choose
Between a memory or two
When it's said and done
I'd take the one
Whose love I had to lose.

YOU JUST MIGHT HAVE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 90'S IF:

1. Your daughter sells Girl Scout cookies via her web site.
2. When every commercial on television has a web-site address at the bottom of the screen.
3. You cannot remember when the only choices you had in coffee were regular and decaf.
4. You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready and he emails you back "What's for dinner."
5. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
6. You own a sport utility vehicle and you live where it doesn't even snow.
7. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date.
8. The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.
9. You can't change your hairstyle until your favorite television personality does.
10. On Friday you know there are only two working days left until Monday.
11. You have to go back to the office to finish working after your OWN holiday party.
12. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have email addresses.
13. If you can't order it by midnight and have it delivered by nooon the next day, it is just too slow.
14. Your StockBroker's name ends in ".com"
15. A Blind date means chatting online with someone you haven't met before.
16. Keeping up with sports means having your your favorite sports teams as Bookmarks.
17. Most of your books are bought online. Real World Bookstores are now prized as your favorite cafe to hang out, work and meet people of the opposite sex.
18. Your food in the refrigerator has been there so long some, that you have received a grant from the National Institute for Health to do germ research.
19. You lecture the neighborhood kids selling lemonade on ways to improve their efficiency.
20. You get all excited when it's Saturday and you can wear sweats to work.
21. You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what kind of work you do.
22. You normally eat out of vending machines and at the most expensive restaurant in town within the same week.
23. You apologize to your friends who didn't get holiday cards from you. "Sorry, I only sent "email cards" this year, you just didn't make the cut"
24. You think a "half-day" means leaving at 5 o'clock.
25. You get most of your jokes via email instead of in person.

Patience and delay achieve more than force and rage. ~Jean de La Fontaine~

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF...

1. You think the Mountain Men in deliverance were just "Misunderstood".
2. You've ever made change in the offering plate.
3. If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year,"
4. You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...
5. You own at least 20 baseball hats.
6. You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
7. You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
8. When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank!
9. Your biggest ambition in live is to "git thet big'ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah bubba's barn..."
10. Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.
11. When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobbaco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
12. You have 5 cars that are immobile and house that is!
13. You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end"
14. "Honey? Are the lights out? Is the door locked? Is the parking brake set?" is what you hear right before you and your wife/girl make love.
15. Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
16. You'd rather catch bass than get some (if you can't guess...)
17. You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertable top.
18. Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
19. You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
20. You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
21. You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
22. You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
23. You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
24. You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
25. Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
26. There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
27. The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places' 28. It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
28. You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
29. You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
30. You idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
31. Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job- -primer red and primer gray.
32. The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
33. Yer mom calls ya over t'help, cause she has a flat tire; on her house.
34. The ASPCA raids yer kitchen.
35. Ya have to check in the bottom yer shoe for change so ya can get grandma a new plug of tobacco.
36. Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle.
37. Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
38. Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)
39. You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
40. You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!
41. When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
42. Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of the wheels off his doublewide (in memory of Chris "No House" Skowronski)...
43. Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
44. You know you're a redneck if you wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
45. Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
46. "Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
47. Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
48. You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
49. You're moved to tears everytime you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".

When you love someone
You'll sacrifice
You'd give everything you've got
And you don't think twice.
You'd risk it all
No matter what may come.
When you love someone.
You'll shoot the moon
Put out the sun.
When you love someone.

YOU JUST MIGHT LIVE IN TEXAS IF:

1. The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
2. The potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
3. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.
4. The cows are giving evaporated milk.
5. The trees are whistlin' for the dogs.
6. You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water...
7. You can say 110 degrees without fainting...
8. You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off...
9. You can make instant sun tea...
10. You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron...
11. The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly...
12. You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car...
13. You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window...
14. You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance...
15. Hot water now comes out of both taps...
16. It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets...
17. You actually burn your hand opening the car door...
18. You break a sweat the instant you step outside... at 7:30 a.m. before work...
19. No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning...
20. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?..."
21. You realize that asphalt has a liquid state...