PARENTING

Son (S): Why is making love so enjoyable.

Father (F): It is just like the sensation when you are digging your nose with your finger!

S: Why do women enjoy sex more than man.

F: It is because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort than your finger.

S: Why do women hate it when they get raped.

F: It is like when you are walking on the street, someone else come over and dig your nose, do you like it??

S: Why do women not have sex when they are having menses?

F: If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it??

S: Why do men not like to wear condoms when they are making love.

F: Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger.

S: Why is making love carried out in private?

F: Will you dig you nose in front of your class? Stupid!

S: Whoa . . father you are good.

"A successful person is one who went ahead and did the thing the rest of us never quite got around to."

LEROY

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"

"Ten," she replied.

"What are their names?" he asked.

"LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered.

"They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all come running in."

"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"

"I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered.

"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

1. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.
2. Leakproof thermoses--will.
3. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
4. The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over whose day it is to take out the trash ends.
5. The shirt your child must wear today will be the only one that needs to be washed or mended.
6. Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing.
7. The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look. [By definition]
8. Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician enters the treatment room.
9. Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator.
10. Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers.

A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.

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SECS?

The young mother wanted so much to be a part of her teenage children's group. She worked hard at learning all the styles the young mothers wore and all foods the children like to ear . She always tried to look young and spiffy and to have an abundant supply of snacks when the gang dropped by. She even learned how to talk "young" learning all the buzz words and hip sayings.

One day all this came to a screeching halt when, after serving the right snacks, she heard herself say to a room full of hormone dripping teenagers, "Anyone want secs, just let me know. I'll be in the kitchen getting it ready."

Four expectant fathers were in Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse comes in and tells the first man, "Congratulations, You're the father of twins." "What a coincidence" the man exclaims. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."

The nurse returns a short while later and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets." "Wow, what a coincidence" he replies. "I work for the 3M Corporation."

When the nurse comes again, she tells the third man that his wife has birth to quadruplets. "Another coincidence I work for the Four Seasons Hotel."

At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong. "What's wrong? I work for Seven-Up."

Wise men don't need advice. Fools don't take it. ~ Benjamin Franklin ~

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WORRIES?

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquillizers regularly."

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquillizers calmed you down?"

"Yes" the mother answered.

"And how is your son now?" he asked.

"Who cares?" she replied.

 

Here's your problem," says the doctor to the first-time father. "This baby's in serious need of a diaper change."

Looking baffled, the man replies, "But the package says it's good for eight to 10 pounds!"