AND THE 4th AWARD FOR STUPIDITY GOES TO:

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Two Swedish coal miners (Sven & Olaf) were down in the mine working. The noon whistle blew for lunch and Sven pulled out a thermos of hot coffee.

Olaf looks at it and says, "Say, Sven, vat you got dere?"

Sven says, "Dis is a 2 quart termos bottle."

Olaf says, "Ya, I have to get me one."

That night Olaf goes home, but forgets what it is called. So the next day they are down in the mine working again and the noon whistle blows for lunch and Sven pulls out his thermos of hot coffee.

Olaf looks at it and says, "Say, Sven, vat you got dere?"

Sven says, "Dis is a 2 quart termos bottle."

Olaf says, "Ya, I have to get me one."

That night Olaf goes home, but forgets what it is called again. Well Olaf really wants one of these things. So he decides the next day when he asks he's going to write it down so he remembers what it is. The next day they are down in the mine working again and the noon whistle blows for lunch and Sven pulls out his thermos of hot coffee.

Olaf looks at it and says, "Say, Sven, vat you got dere?"

Well, by this time Sven is getting just a little bit pissed. Every day Olaf asks what it is and never remembers so he decides to just make up stuff since Olaf isn't going to remember anyway. So Sven says, "Dis is a contraceptive."

Olaf says, "Ya, I have to get me one." And he writes it down.

That night Olaf is in the neighborhood drug store and the pharmacist sees him walking around and says to him, "Can I help you?"

Olaf says, "Ya, I'd like a contraceptive."

And the pharmacist says, "Sure, what size?"

Olaf says, "Give me da 2 quart size, I'll be working in da hole all day!"

'How do you know I'm mad?', said Alice. 'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come here.' ~ Alice in Wonderland ~

ASK MARILYN

Excerpts from the syndicated column of Marilyn Vos Savant ("Ask Marilyn") where she lists some of the most perplexing questions that readers have sent in.

"How do they fit all that hot air into blow dryers? Why don't they ever run out?"

"Do oysters get bored? How can you tell?"

"I say that a song popular during the 1950's went 'Oooh eee ooh ah ah wing wang walla bing bang, ooh eee ooh ah ah wing wang walla walla bing bang.' My boyfriend insists it went, 'Oooh eee ooh ah ah ching chang walla bing bang, ooh eee ooh ah ah ching chang walla walla bing bang.' Who is correct."

"Could you please tell me the number of shades of green? After driving around and looking at the scenery, I've decided there must be many."

"Is the earth at a different angle in the morning than it is at night? In the morning I have to put something against the front door to hold it open. At night, it stays open by itself."

"I've heard that people have magnetism in their noses. Is this true?"

"It appears to me that in the past 100 years, an overwhelming amount of progress has been made in the world. What did all those people do for the first 2000 years?"

"I do not understand women. Would the study of quantum mechanics help?"

Two idiots landed themselves a job at a saw mill. Just before morning tea one yelled, "Tim! I lost me finger!"

"Have you now?" says Tim. "And how did you do it?"

"I just touched this big spinning thing here... Damn! There goes another one!

I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity. ~ Albert Einstein ~

BIKE RIDE

Paddy and Patrick went for a ride on their bicycles. It was a beautiful day, and they needed to get rid of their stress and decided to ride up the hill to get a good view of the town from the top.

Half way up the hill, Patrick stops. Paddy stops too. Patrick gets off his bike, lets the air out of the back tyre and gets back on, ready to continue.

Paddy says: "Wot 'dya do tha' for

"Well," says Patrick, "me seat was too high."

So, perplexed, Paddy gets off his bike, takes out the little spanner set that he always keeps with him. He takes off the seat and the handle bars. Swaps them around and bolts them to their new positions. He gets back on, turns to Patrick and says: "Well, if you're gonna be stupid, I'm a goin' home."

There were two farmers, neither one had much common sense. They were told by the Foreman to put the mule in the barn. When they led the mule over to the barn, they decided that the mule's ears were too long and he would not fit into the barn.

So they put their heads together and decided to get a ladder and a saw and saw the overhead of the barn out so the mule could walk right on in the barn.

They began their job and the Foreman walked over to them and asked them why they were sawing out the top of the barn. They told the Foreman the mule's ears were too long to go into the barn.

The Foreman said, "Why don't you just get a shovel and dig the dirt out of the ground below, then the mule could walk on in"

The two half smarts looked at each other and said "We told you his "ears" are too long, not his feet!"

The good lord set definite limits on man's wisdom, but set no limits on his stupidity... ~ Konrad Adenauer ~

MOBY DICK

Remember the Polish woman who thought Moby Dick was a venereal disease?

She also thought asphalt was a proctological condition and that ping-pong balls were a venereal disease from China.

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies "Jeez, OK."

Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of morning coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies, "Jeez, OK."

Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions. He says to Lena, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?"

Lena replies, "Aw, Ole, yust leave the car in the garage."