WEIRD BUT TRUE

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Every year the FBI, is asked to investigate over 36,000 serious crimes including Murder/Homicides. Every year the Homicide Investigatons Unit puts out its "Top 20 Homicides of the Year" 1996

1. Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, was killed by his wife, armed with a 20" long vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had had enough of her husbands strange sex practices and one night during a prolonged binge of "fun" she snapped, pushing all 20" of the vibrator into Alex's anus until it ruptured several internal organs and caused severe bleeding.

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2. Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day, but crossing the road with her daughter to go to her own birthday party her wheel chair was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake.

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3. Peter Stone, 42 years old, was murdered by his 8 year old daughter, who he had just sent to her room with no dinner. Young Samantha Stone felt that if she couldn't have dinner no one should, and she promptly inserted 72 rat poison tablets into her fathers coffee as he prepared dinner. The victim took one sip and promptly collapsed. Samantha Stone was given a suspended sentence as the judge felt she didn't realise what she was doing, until she tried to poison her mother using the same method one month later.

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4. David Danil, 17 years old, was killed by his girl friend after he attempted to "have his way with her". His unwelcome advance was met with a prompt kick in the chest and then 4 shots from a doubled barrelled shot gun Charla's (the girlfriends') father had given to her an hour before the date started, just in case.

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5. Javier Halos, 27 years old, was killed by his landlord for failing to pay his rent for 8 years (yes 8 years). The landlord Kirk Weston clubbed the victim to death with a toilet seat after he realised just how long it had been since Mr Halos paid his rent.

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6. Mary-Lee Cooper, 11 years old, was killed by her 1 year old sister who climbed on top of her while she was sleeping, suffecating her.

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7. Meegan Fri, 44 years old, was killed by 14 state troopers after she wandered onto a live firing, fake town simulation. Seeing the troopers all walking slow down the street Meegan Fri had jumped out in front of them and yelled, "Boo!" The troopers, thinking she was a pop up target fired 67shots between them, over 40 of them hitting their target. "She just looked like a very real looking target." One of the troopers stated in his report.

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8. Fiona Given, 17 years old, was killed by a "Hit Man" hired by her ex boyfriend after she broke off their relationship. The "Hit Man" was promised payment of $500,000 for the task. The "Hit Man" killed the boyfriend after he found out that a 16 year old high school student, who's father was in jail for rape, and mother worked as an ironing lady didn't have access to $500 000.

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9. Louis Zaragoza, 68 years old, was killed as he prepared to drive to work. Lee Zaragoza, had been plotting to kill him for over a year, and had cut the brakes on his car 4 times previously. On this attempt Lee was just about to cut the brakes again when Louis snuck up behind her. He grabbed her and spun her around, as he did she lost her footing and stumbled into him, stabbing him in the lower ventrical of the heart, killing him instantly.

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10. Mummod Foli, 22 years old, was killed by an unknown member of the "Russian Mafia, after he accidentally took away the gangsters drink too soon at the nightclub he worked in. The gangster was so upset he forced the waiter to drink over 27 litres of 'coca cola' (the drink he had taken away) until Mummod drowned.

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11. Julia Smeeth, 20 years old, was killed by her brother Micheal because she talked on the phone too long. Michael clubbed his sister to death with a cordless phone, then stabbed her several times with the broken arial.

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12. Helena Simms, wife to the famous American Nuclear Scientist Harold Simms was killed by her husband after she had an affair with the neighbour. Over a period of 3 months Harold subsituted Helena's eye shadow with a Uranium composite that was highly radioactive, until she died of radiation poisoning. Although she suffered many symptoms, including total hair loss, skin welts, blindness, extreme nausea and even had an ear lobe drop off, the victim never attended a doctors surgery or hospital for a check up.

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13. Military Sargeant John Joe Winter killed his "two timing wife" by loading her car with Trintynitrate explosive (similar to C4). The Ford Taurus she was driving was filled with 750,000 kgs of explosive, forming a force twice as powerful as the Oklahoma Bombing. The explosion was witnessed by several persons, some up to 14 kilometres away. No trace of the car or the victim were ever found. Only a 55 meter deep crater, and 500m of missing road.

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14. Patty Winter, 35 years old, was killed by her neighbour in the early hours of a Sunday morning. Her neighbour, Falt Hame, for years had a mounted F6 Phantom jet engine in his rear yard. He would fire the jet engine, aimed at a empty block at the back of his property. Patty Winter would constantly complain to the local sherriffs officers about the noise and the potential risk of fire. Mr Hame was served with a notice to remove the engine immedetely. Not liking this he invited Miss Winter over "for a cup of coffee and a chat" about the whole situation. What Winter didn't know was that he had changed the position of the engine. As she walked into the yard he activated it, hitting her with a blast of 5000 degrees, killing her instantly, and forever burning her outline into the driveway.

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15. Michael Lewis, angry at his gay boyfriend used the movie, "Die Hard, With a Vengence." as inspiration.....???? He drugged his boyfriend, Tony Berry, into an almost catatonic state, then dressed him only in a double sided white board that read "Death to all Nigers!" on one side, and "God love the KKK." on the other. Lewis then drove the victim to down town Harlem and dropped him off. Two minutes later Berry was deceased.

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16. Jay Newton was killed after a co worker at Sea World Florida dropped a 20 ton killer whale on him. The whale had been hoisted out of his tank by a Master Tonne Crane. When the victim swam underneath to inspect the harness his colleague, Brian Hartley released the whale, crushing the victim instantly, (and emptying 1/4 the water from the pool).

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17. Carl Densinter, 34 years old, killed by a fellow worker trying to prove a point. The worker, San Amote Pet, disconected the internal landing gear settings on a Boeing 747 test plane, the planes gear automatically retracked after take off. But come landing time wouldn't re-engage, the helpless Densinter couldn't do a thing as the plane ran out of fuel. In an attempt at an emergency landing the 747 exploded. Densinter was killed instantly.

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18. Mary Dridely, Joesph Coles and Haven Gillies were killed as they walked past a New York apartment building. David Smee, 7 old, and his 6 year old sister were left alone in their 27th floor hotel room by their parents as they went to the hotels gaming room. Bored, the kids thought it'd be fun to try to squish the "Ant looking things on the foot path below." (people) They started by throwing fruit, then quickly graduated to chairs, televisions, even the drawers from the bedroom dresser.

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19. Conrad Middleton, 26 years old, was killed by his twin brother Brian after a disagreement over who should take the family home after their parents past away. Conrad had a nasal problem, and had no sense of smell. After the arguement Brian stormed out of the house, then snuck back later, and turned on the 3 gas taps in the house, filling it with gas. Then left out a box of cigars, a lighter and a note saying, "Sorry for the spree, have a puff on me, Brian" Conrad promptly light a cigar, destroying the house, and himself in the process.

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20. Gail Queens, 23 years old, was killed by her Zoo keeper Boyfriend Mathew Kellaway after she refused sex. He 'invited her' to the zoo the see the lion feeding, and at feeding time lead her into a room the had a large slide away panel, He explained to her that it was a large glass viewing window to watch the lions devour their prey. he 'ducked out for a quick smoke' and locked her in the room. Suddenly the slide away panel opened to reveal many people starring at her, she was just about to yell and tell them that they were on the wrong side of the glass when she realised that it was her on the wrong side. Another panel opened and 3 hungry lions were let into the pen. Gail survived for 2 days in hospital before dying of massive internal injuries.

Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success. ~ Henry Ford ~

ATTRACTION

SAN FRANCISCO, California - 45-year-old suspect, Harold White has been charged with one of the more bizarre crimes to hit this unusual city. He has been charged with disturbing the peace with a high powered magnet! It seems that White would stake out piercing parlors thereupon following women who recently had body parts pierced. He would then get close to them with his magnet in an attempt to "sexually stimulate" his victims with the magnet. [This adventurer probably deserves what he's going to get, but you've got to appreciate the ingenuity.]

John Kallam graduated with a BA in criminology and entered the US Army. He served for 20 years beginning in the late 1930s. He was an investigator during the Nuremberg trials of Nazi war criminals, and stayed in Germany for many years organizing civilian police forces in the post-war era. He also wrote numerous books on criminal justice. He retired from military service in the late 1950s at the rank of full colonel.

Returning to Fresno, California, he began teaching criminology at what was then Fresno State College (later to become the California State University, Fresno). His work was well respected, but after about ten years of service, he was called to see the president of the college. He was informed that he could no longer teach with just a bachelor's degree. Times were changing, he was told, and the school demanded that faculty members hold a graduate degree. Merely having 20 years of distinguished experience was no longer considered sufficient qualification to teach. All new faculty were being required to hold a doctorate, it was explained, and the school was actually doing him a favor by letting him keep his job by getting 'only' a master's degree. So John enrolled in a summer program at an out of state college. Three months of intensive seminars and then nine months of home study would get him his MA.

On the first day of class, the instructor was taking roll. He stopped when he read John's name.

"Are you related to the John Kallam who wrote the textbook we'll be using?" he asked.

"I am the John Kallam who wrote the textbook you're using," came the dry response.

The problem with an unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

KISMET

AUGUSTA, ME - Four people were injured in a string of bizarre accidents.

Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela Klesick's first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off.

Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work and, in addition to a good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him. "I'm still not sure why I did it," she said later. "I was really close to the car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it couldn't have been for more than two seconds."

However, cab driver Vegas did see and lost control of his cab, running over the curb and into the corner of the Johnson Medical Building.

Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was cleaning Corcoran's teeth.

The crash of the cab against the building caused her to jump, tearing Corcoran's gums with a cleaning pick. In shock, he bit down, severing two fingers from Klesick's hand.

Moeller's wound was caused by a falling piece of the medical building.

FRUITA, Colorado - The town of Fruita is preparing to revel in an event that will be tough to top. "Mike the Headless Chicken Day" will honor a 1940s rooster who for four years strutted about, and wowed hens - all without a head.

Mike lost his head in 1945 when a farmer, with his eyes on Mike as dinner, whacked off the head of the young rooster.

However, Mike didn't just croak (many headless chickens wobble about for a bit spewing blood before finally keeling over) but he resumed walking and rejoined the hens in the barnyard.

Scientists studying Mike found that he had enough brain stem to keep the body alive. The farmer kept Mike going by pouring grains soaked in water into the exposed hole that was his esophagus.

The chief enemy of creativity is good taste. ~ Picasso ~

HORSE SENSE

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A man accused of punching a New York City police horse in the nose went on trial Wednesday after his offers to kiss and make up to the animal were rejected, his attorney said.

Jimmy Hornacek, 34, of Hazlet, New Jersey, is charged with hitting the police horse during a labor union rally of some 40,000 construction workers in June 1998 that turned violent.

Hornacek is accused of punching the horse, stepping back to avoid getting kicked, and then punching it again, according to the criminal complaint.

If convicted, he could face up to a year in jail for attempting to injure a police animal, obstruction of government administration, disorderly conduct and reckless endangerment.

Defense lawyer Stanley Kopilow said his client has offered twice to kiss Snewser, the 19-year-old horse, on the nose and apologize, but that the city and the police department have refused the offers.

Hornacek, who also has offered the horse an apple, insisted before the trial in Manhattan Criminal Court, however, that he did not hit the horse.

"The horse struck me. I didn't punch him," he said. "He snooted and got horse saliva on me as the cop pulled his reins up."

Police Officer John Reilly, who was riding the horse, has said Snewser was not harmed by the punch and kept on working.

Hornacek's lawyer said not only does he have eyewitnesses to appear on behalf of his client, he wants the horse to take the witness stand.

"He's going to have to clomp on down here to clear my client's name," the attorney said.

AUCKLAND, New Zealand (AP) - A woman who found a rat sitting in her lap during an Air New Zealand flight from Los Angeles will be offered compensation, an airline spokesman said Tuesday.

The stowaway rodent was first spotted aboard the Boeing 767-300 after the plane left Los Angeles on its way to Auckland, via Papeete, Tahiti.

"The rat was sighted by crew but their attempts to catch it failed when it ran to the rear of the aircraft,'' said Cameron Hill, an airline spokesman. "Later in the flight a passenger in business class felt something on her right leg, lifted her blanket and found the rat on her knees.''

The name of the passenger was not released.

Quarantine officials met the plane when it landed at Auckland early Tuesday and conducted a search of the plane including passengers' hand baggage.

The rat wasn't found so the plane was quarantined and fumigated.

"We deeply regret the distress caused to passengers and will be attempting to contact those most directly affected to offer compensation,'' Hill said